I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
