at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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