i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We're too hungover to prance.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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