i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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