We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
