My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
