Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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