i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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