So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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