So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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