Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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