Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
