You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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