Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
