Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
