I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
