I cockslap morals
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
