i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
