so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
