I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dignity is for republicans.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
