NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
