I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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