2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
