Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
