don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
