Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
