we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
