I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
