he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she told me i tasted like america
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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