I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
