There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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