I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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