Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Two words: blizzard sex
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
