I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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