mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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