allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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