now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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