i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
