Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
where are you?
Hypothermia
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
