just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
