Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
