I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
