I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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