She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
