i permit you to call me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
