Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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