i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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