I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
