She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
