Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
