she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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