I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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