dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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