I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
