my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
