Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
