I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well I just put wine in my tea
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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