He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
