Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
