I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
