Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
