i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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