I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
two words...techno handjob
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
