i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
