She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
