And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
