Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
