Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
