I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
