omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
