I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
