I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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