What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
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sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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