god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
