well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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