isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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