My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
