are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
