how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
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Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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