Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
