I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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