I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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