I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
