It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
