is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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