Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox

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  (248): Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox http://tfl.nu/m5tb
  Replies (7) Good night (1911) Bad night (1087)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

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  (206): he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy http://tfl.nu/mh40
  Replies (11) Good night (563) Bad night (5810)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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  (612): My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome! http://tfl.nu/2tqo
  Replies (79) Good night (17926) Bad night (895)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread

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  (401): Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread http://tfl.nu/zf7m
  Replies (18) Good night (4716) Bad night (823)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.

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  (317): she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know. http://tfl.nu/4052
  Replies (16) Good night (1187) Bad night (5736)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.

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  (804): she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off. http://tfl.nu/ypig
  Replies (27) Good night (5879) Bad night (917)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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  (817): Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside" http://tfl.nu/md9m
  Replies (12) Good night (6416) Bad night (1074)
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  (408): View more from California

  we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.

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  (408): we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this. http://tfl.nu/wyn5
  Replies (22) Good night (692) Bad night (3479)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?

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  (512): They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true? http://tfl.nu/qtx2
  Replies (13) Good night (2559) Bad night (1318)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.

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  (973): He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come. http://tfl.nu/tnjb
  Replies (2) Good night (2023) Bad night (950)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.

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  (412): I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent. http://tfl.nu/3146
  Replies (20) Good night (2249) Bad night (858)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me

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  (402): Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me http://tfl.nu/m5ly
  Replies (7) Good night (789) Bad night (2248)
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  (415): View more from California

  Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.

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  (415): Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that. http://tfl.nu/2d02
  Replies (8) Good night (1078) Bad night (372)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly

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  (724): These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly http://tfl.nu/feuo
  Replies (5) Good night (797) Bad night (455)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.

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  (212): I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream. http://tfl.nu/ohie
  Replies (6) Good night (264) Bad night (944)

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