So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
