Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.