Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"