Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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