apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....