It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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