I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad