I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
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do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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