I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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