Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
