I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize