he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
